Dang-blasted false advertising!
Aug. 11th, 2025 10:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
siliquasquama*Bell above door rings*
CUSTOMER WITH LONG BEARD: Good afternoon, my good man, I saw that the name of your shop involved the word "Wizards" and I just thought I'd drop in and ask, do you indeed sell anything related to magic here?
HAPLESS CLERK: Uh...yeah? Everything's related to Magic here.
CB: Excellent, excellent. And they all seem to be in the form of cards. Are they, in fact, magic cards?
HC: They're all Magic cards, yes.
CB: Capital! Now, let me see, I should like five fireballs, ten lightnings --
HC: Oh, um, I don't know what kind of decks you're building or how many, but you're only allowed to have three of each card per deck.
CB: I'm sorry, deck?
HC: For the game.
CB: Game? Magic is not a game.
HC: Oh no, sir, it very much is.
CB: You dare call it a game, you insolent -- ?
HC: I mean there's a rulebook and tournaments and everything. It's big money.
CB: Explain this...game.
HC: Well, like, you have to draw cards, and put mana on the field, so you can spend it to summon creatures and spells, and then use them to attack your opponent, and whoever loses their life points first loses the game. And it's usually a three-round match. It's really fun.
CB: Oh, I see, I see.
HC: Yeah, lots of people love it.
CB: I see, yes. You have this lovely store at the front of your business, selling a little game to distract the mundanes. But why don't you show me where the real magic happens?
HC: I mean, we run tournaments in the basement on Saturday evenings.
CB: Oh no, no, never mind your silly card game. I want to see the real magic. Show me where the good stuff is. You know what I mean.
HC: We don't sell adult materials here, sir.
CB: Why you impertinent -- Wizards take a vow of chastity! Which you would know if you had bothered to deal in any real magic, you ignorant lowlife!
HC: Oh yeah, well maybe if you'd bothered to look up the name of the shop before coming in here you wouldn't have been an idiot in my face!
CB: How dare you! I'll show you a real fireball! HAAAAAAAAAH!
*FWOOM*
CB: Goodness, there's nothing left of him.
MANAGER: What the hell is this? What was going on out here? Why is there a huge ash stain at the front desk? Who are you?
CB: Someone who just had to deal with exceptionally terrible service.
M: Oh, a customer! I'm so sorry, sir, here, let me offer you some store credit.
CUSTOMER WITH LONG BEARD: Good afternoon, my good man, I saw that the name of your shop involved the word "Wizards" and I just thought I'd drop in and ask, do you indeed sell anything related to magic here?
HAPLESS CLERK: Uh...yeah? Everything's related to Magic here.
CB: Excellent, excellent. And they all seem to be in the form of cards. Are they, in fact, magic cards?
HC: They're all Magic cards, yes.
CB: Capital! Now, let me see, I should like five fireballs, ten lightnings --
HC: Oh, um, I don't know what kind of decks you're building or how many, but you're only allowed to have three of each card per deck.
CB: I'm sorry, deck?
HC: For the game.
CB: Game? Magic is not a game.
HC: Oh no, sir, it very much is.
CB: You dare call it a game, you insolent -- ?
HC: I mean there's a rulebook and tournaments and everything. It's big money.
CB: Explain this...game.
HC: Well, like, you have to draw cards, and put mana on the field, so you can spend it to summon creatures and spells, and then use them to attack your opponent, and whoever loses their life points first loses the game. And it's usually a three-round match. It's really fun.
CB: Oh, I see, I see.
HC: Yeah, lots of people love it.
CB: I see, yes. You have this lovely store at the front of your business, selling a little game to distract the mundanes. But why don't you show me where the real magic happens?
HC: I mean, we run tournaments in the basement on Saturday evenings.
CB: Oh no, no, never mind your silly card game. I want to see the real magic. Show me where the good stuff is. You know what I mean.
HC: We don't sell adult materials here, sir.
CB: Why you impertinent -- Wizards take a vow of chastity! Which you would know if you had bothered to deal in any real magic, you ignorant lowlife!
HC: Oh yeah, well maybe if you'd bothered to look up the name of the shop before coming in here you wouldn't have been an idiot in my face!
CB: How dare you! I'll show you a real fireball! HAAAAAAAAAH!
*FWOOM*
CB: Goodness, there's nothing left of him.
MANAGER: What the hell is this? What was going on out here? Why is there a huge ash stain at the front desk? Who are you?
CB: Someone who just had to deal with exceptionally terrible service.
M: Oh, a customer! I'm so sorry, sir, here, let me offer you some store credit.
